Six Months

So JR has been gone for over six months now. He is to return Lord Willing on Friday. Should I be nervous,scared,anxious? Well, right now I am all over the board. When I think about him coming home my stomach gets weak feeling and my heart skips a beat. How can I be so upset and angry at him but want him at the same time? Our marriage is going through a lot right now and I am just scared I wont be able to let go of the past and look forward to the future. Over all JR is a pretty good guy...other than some things but why am I so nervous about seeing him? Sometimes I feel like with him coming home I will have to face him and face head on what has been going on. How do I learn to forgive him?? I feel lost and empty.