How can one person bring out so many emotions? One minute I can feel hatred, sorrow and then love, all in just a matter of seconds. Why? Why can't there just be a way to say, okay you don't love me, thats fine I am done and walk away. I guess that would make for a perfect world and this world is far from perfect. I try to show grace and love even though its not something I get back in return, but in my heart I know its the right thing.
I know I can over react sometimes, I mean I am a RED HEAD, but when it comes to my kids there is no holding back. I will fight kicking and screaming until the day I die when it comes to my kids and protecting what little innocence they have left. It is truly sad that Pinterest of all places has nudity and is just out there for every kids to see without having to go to a porn site. Am I being to harsh by saying to him either you delete your account or I delete the kids account? I don't want to always be the bad guy in all of this, it sucks actually that I have to be the one to put my foot down and protect my kids eyes from their fathers actions really.
He can be a great guy, I've seen it, I promise! It's choices he has made that the rest of us have to live with, and hopefully learn from. When you think about it, that is really messed up. One day I will understand why this is all happening and as I sit here so many Bible verses are coming to mind and when that happens I can smile and know God is with us not matter how bad the storm is right now. Philippians 4:13 pops in my head often these days and then verse about God having a plan for you. I have to hold those verses that pop into my head close to my heart. I keep wondering if he puts those verses in my heart to shield it....makes you want to go hmmmm :)
I am just not a very patient person. If you know me I am a planner and like to know whats going to happen before it happens. So you can only imagine how I am dealing with all this. I also know if I keep stressing and handling it my own way then God is going to think I don't have faith in him. I am working on it, trust me! I don't want God to give up on me so why would I give up on him? Maybe thats why I can't bring myself to give up on JR. That was just another AH HAAA moment right there, sorry! But wow its amazing what all goes through my head and this blog is just a small portion!
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