So Sunday when the preacher was doing his "thang", he was telling a story about when his kids were younger they would run up to him when he got home from working yelling DADDY! and giving him a hug. While he was talking it dawned on me that my children not once did that to their dad. How sad is that? Whats even sadder is that I was talking to my son about the sermon and he said he had the same thoughts on Sunday. I asked him why he thinks they didn't get excited about their dad coming come and he said because he was so big.I know it was his selfishness that got in the way of being a "Daddy" to the kids but we will just let him, being big be the reason in my sons eyes. Why do we let things scare us just because they are big? Do we let God scare us and do we not get excited about him because he is so big? I guess it something for us to think about it. Parents don't understand that maybe they need to show excitement when they see their kids so that they get excited too. It sucks that my husband missed out on so many things in the kids life because of selfishness. Even now he is missing out on so much because of the same reason. Growing up I was always excited about my dad coming home. I knew that once he got home he wanted to rest but he would always put his girls first and I thank him for showing us that. I pray my kids can learn from what we are going through and use it in a positive way and not let a divorce give them excuse to make poor choices in life.
I am getting use to being a single parent but I would never choose this for anyone. Its hard being the one that does it all, been I think, I have been doing it for 16 years why is it so hard now, other than I can't vent to him and he have a "talk" with the kids. I have good kids and I am very thankful for that everyday, but sometimes I just need a father figure to step up and give them a little push in the right direction. I pray the Lord sends me someone that will step up and be that father the kids need and the Spiritual Leader of the family. Now, the kids father will always be their father, don't get me wrong but when he lives 4,000 miles away and only calls once a week its hard on the kids, and me! So it would be nice to have a good guy step in when needed. I do hope that when that day comes he will work with us and not take the place of the kids dad but be a supplement :)
Please keep praying for my little family as we go through this time on our lives. Pray for strength for me to be able to handle it all without losing my mind, and learn to forgive JR, since I recently learned through counseling that I really haven't forgiven him.
I may be starting a job soon working 5 days a week and I hope I can manage that and the house, kids etc. I know I can do with prayers! Thank you all for that!! I think that about sums up all that is going on right now in my head and life!
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