sigh...

Thats all I can do today is sigh. I am so angry and I am sick of being angry. I am sick of being sad and I am sick of always thinking about him. Today he forgot to call his kids. I have been angry about that all day. He.forgot.! Really?? How can you forget about your children? I know I shouldn't let it bother me so bad but, I am the one that has to deal with the kids emotions and deal with the sadness. He has no idea what he is missing out on. But like a friend said today to me, its his problem and he is just digging himself deeper and away from the kids. I just hate watching it happen.

So I talked to a another Lawyer Friday and he says its better to wait until Christmas when "he" comes home for Christmas, to sign papers and do the divorce...my kids said Merry Christmas to us :( that just broke my heart. So I am torn if we just go through with it and pay to extra it will take to do the divorce while he is overseas and just let him go through the pain in the butt, why should I care? He didn't care when he was destroying  our marriage so why should I care if he has to drive extra and get this over with now rather than later. While he is overseas doing what he wants to do because frankly he has already cheated most of our marriage whats stopping him now, I get to be the "good" wife and stay faithful to an unfaithful person until the divorce is final. How screwed up is that! I have to put my life on hold until December then he comes here and the emotions get all screwed up again URGH! I am over it!! Why can't God just tell me whats best and make this less hurtful for me. It seems I am the only one hurting, while he shows no emotion towards any of us.

Sorry this blog is so blah, I am just so angry and in such a bad place right now emotionally, I had to get all this out before I exploded. Of course I tried to text him about it but he was too busy doing something else.