Sadness

Sadness has overcome me tonight. It started this late afternoon when I got into my car that just arrived from overseas. The smell of my car sent sadness shooting through my body. Yes, I was excited to get my car but it was the memories that just washed over me and flooded my body with tears. That car was such a happy thing so I thought at the time when he bought it for me. Little did I know two  months after I got it he would end our marriage. The smell was a reminder of living in Europe and getting to travel as a family to places we would never be able to go without the Military sending us over there. The car reminded me of days picking up my friends to go porch sit while eating at our favorite soup place or sandwich shop then going to antique stores or thrift store shopping. Today when all those emotions flooded me it also reminded me that our family of 4 is longer that but 3. Then it also reminded me that we are not a military family anymore, and that makes me so deeply sad. Today is just a sad day for me in general. We are not friends on FB anymore and in the long run I know it will be good that I don't see what he post and I don't see all his new so called "friends" that he adds daily. I just feel its one less thing to make me sad about. I have already unfollowed him on Pinterest. The amount of crap he was "liking" made my stomach turn and feel sorry for our children that they have to know what kind of person their dad really is. Not only do they know but he puts it out there for all to see, how sad for them. I can only guard them so much....I just keep praying one day he will get a clue and wise up to the fact that is he hurting his children doing all that and setting the example of a father that doesn't care about woman. The hurt he has already caused is enough damage for a life time. Time will heal and I just have to keep the faith that one day the Lord will send me somebody that will love me and my kids more than himself. Just today, I am sad and its part of the process of healing and moving on. I am trying not to have ill will towards him but he doesn't make it easy most days.