Its time NOW!

Today I called the lawyer and I am filling for Divorce this week. I just couldn't stand waiting until December. How awful for the kids to have that memory of their parents ending their marriage around Christmas. After seeing pictures of him AGAIN at the bar, I knew it was time to end this hell I am living in and just be done. I know we have been so wishy washy on when we are doing this and today I was just completely over what he does every weekend and me being married to that. Out of respect for myself I have to get out of the marriage before it breaks me any further. I wanted nothing more than to work this out and move forward and forget the past but there has to be two people that wants that, he clearly doesn't. I just keep praying the Lord sends me a good man one day and that I am going through this storm I call life for a reason. When I told the kids I was going through with it this week they both seemed happy that it wont be done at Christmas. In my sons words from the other day when we were having a heart to heart he said it sucks but he can't change it and won't lose sleep over it. I sure wish I had his way of thinking! At some point I know things will get better. My relationship with the kids is very strong and we talk so much now. I am just sad their dad will never get this time back. That's his fault not mine and this divorce is his fault so he will have to deal with that guilt one day, if ever. I have told their dad over and over that he is missing so much in their lives and him not skyping with them will one day be a regret. When they see pictures of him and they are all at a bar that sends a message to them that I don't want but again that's on him. I can only shield my kids so much. I just have to set the example and raise them the best way I know how and move on with life. I pray that this will not effect my kids in a negative way but that they learn from this and take all they have learned into their own relationship and know that marriage is for better or worse. I truly believe that if you put God first in your marriage it will stay strong, moving to Europe and being away from church was a major down fall. I hope they learn from that too. It sucks but life goes on eventually.