All over the place

Thats what I feel my emotions are like all the time,I am just all over the place. One minute I am ready to do this, to divorce him and move on, then the next minute I want to keep fighting for my marriage. I feel like I should just get shock treatment or something! I feel that crazy. I know its normal to have all these emotions but my word, why can't just one emotion stick and I be done with all the others? Before going to the Lawyer today I was at 90% sure this is what was best for me and the kids. After the Lawyers office I am at 60%, you would think that I would be closer to 100% after talking about what I am in titled to etc. I am not out to get him for all his money and pay for his sins. I am just not wired like that. To be honest I just want my life back, but not back the way it was I want it better. I want to work and share the chores at home and the cooking. I want to be married but I also want my husband be the the Spiritual leader of our family and want to be in the family 100%. I know that I can have that but he has to want it as well. That was a key sentence....he has to want it as well. I feel so crazy. One minute I want to be done the next I don't want to be done, geez what is wrong with me?!? I talk to him for hours, we email, message on FB and we get a long great, why are we going through this is what I keep asking myself.

I know most of you  (if any one reads this) is thinking wow this chick is nuts! Yes, yes I am. How can a person still love somebody that doesn't love her and can't be faithful to her? I ask that all the time, trust me! I have such a strong pull towards him. When I pray for him and about him I feel even stronger towards him. Its weird I know. Tomorrow I may feel completely different...its how I roll!

So please keep praying for me and my family. Pray he can find his way back to the Lord and lives a healthy spiritual life filed with happiness brought by loving his family and doing whats right.

I am so emotionally drain today, I am writing to get all these emotions out so I can function the rest of the day...again..its how I roll :)