Deep down inside I know...

I know I need to file for divorce. It pains me so bad and I just don't want to deal with all that goes into doing it. This is not healthy for me one bit. There is no trust at.all! It makes me sick to know that the man I trusted with my life, I can now can not trust to do anything. It is just so sad. I needed some VERY important paper sent ASAP, has he sent it yet? NO! Its small things like that, that makes it very clear that me and the kids are not his priority. A father should have his priorities in order. He is a good guy, but when it comes to certain things he is not. I am starting to see that clearly everyday. You would think he would be careful with his social networking and know his children are watching from a far but that doesn't seem to matter to him at all. I can have my kids unfollow him on certain things but he is never hidden. To "like" things on Pinterest when the girl is half naked makes me so sad and it shows me he is still that guy I never thought he would be. Social networks will be the death of so many marriages and families. Kudos to the ones that are not on all these networks. Our lives would be so much purer if we didn't allow social media etc to get in the way of leading Godly lives. If that is not your #1 priority then heaven help us all. I don't want to be exposed to basically porn and I sure don't want my kids exposed to it. Porn is such a horrible thing to get involved in. Porn isn't just going to a porn site, its everywhere. Its in your spam email, on Pinterest and sadly on Facebook. Its bad enough you can't watch TV without being exposed to it as well. Our kids are taught from an early age that its okay to wear low cut shirts and extremely short shorts. Girls are taught that if you  are not skinny and sexy then you are nothing and that is horrible. Boy are taught to treat girls with no respect because we don't deserve it. What happen to a girl being treated with the upmost respect? Opening doors and caring for them in a respectful manor. Guys need to be treated with respect as well, I know that. I always tried to respect my husband, submitting to him and taking care of him. See where that got me? But what are we teaching our son? That its okay to cheat on your spouse and look at other ladies with a lustful eye? And what is that teaching my daughter? That she just has to deal with her spouse doing all these horrible things to her and she just stay married in hopes that her husband will see the light and change one day?? NO, I can not stand for this. I have to divorce their dad so I can teach my children whats right. Yes, he will always be their father but at some point they have to know that its not normal to be in a marriage filled with sadness and hurt. They need to see that I am taking a stand for what is right. A marriage should be built on honesty, trust and most of all LOVE. I want my kids to see the way a woman should be treated and how a man should be treated. I hope I have taught them that in the years I was  married to their father, but at some point enough is enough. I know what I have to do, its clear now. Now its just taking those steps and ending it in a way that I can keep my head held high and know I am doing the right thing. One day I hope my husband will see what he is missing out on in life. I pray he knows that he is missing out on seeing his children grow up in a Christian home and that it is very important in their lives. I pray he sees the way his need for cheating etc. isn't normal and right. I can't hold out hope that we will be together again one day in a healthy relationship. The trust is gone completely. I have a long road ahead of me and I have to stay focused on what matters most and its not me being in a relationship that matters, its my children!